MrNiceGuy: Ever since I’ve been faced with choosing between Dottie and Krissy, I’ve been unable to make any decisions. Today I ran into a 7-11. With a car. It was at the apex of an intersection. I couldn’t pick left or right so I figured I’d flip a coin like Two-Face, but I couldn’t find a double-headed coin and something to scratch out one of the sides of it. Then I blacked out.

MyOtherBeardIsMuttonChops: Uh…You should probably be in prison. But, sadly, I know how you feel. This one time I had to choose whether to travel to Turkey to study ottomans or to travel to Ottoman to study turkeys.

MrNiceGuy: Wow, there are a lot of words in that sentence that are causing problems for my brain.

MyOtherBeardIsMuttonChops: I decided to go to Ottoman. There’s just not as much room for advancement in the field of foot-centric furniture as you might expect. On the flip side, I discovered that turkeys are terrifying, especially when you try to chase them with a knife and fork. I wrote a script for a horror movie I’m submitting to Hollywood called What the Cluck?!